"We're Not Cavemen!"
Season Survivor: Couples Showdown
Author IAmNothing712
Episode Number 3/15
Episode Chronology
Previous "Temptation Island"
Next "Rolling with the Punches"

This is the third episode of Survivor: Couples Showdown.

Previously on Survivor

After Tala's first Tribal Council, Simone was voted out due to her brashness, leaving her more likable sister Ebony to fend for herself. When Tala won the Reward Challenge, she was chosen along with Talia to partake in a "Temptation Reward" where they may trade half of their reward for a clue to a Hidden Immunity Idol. But in an act of goodwill, Ebony chose to keep the reward as is.

At the rival Bulan tribe, Leo started plotting against his partner, Martin. Approaching best buddies Andy and Devon, Leo revealed that he and Martin were rivals, not friends. Not trusting Leo fully, the buddies went out early to find Bulan's Hidden Immunity Idol, in which they became successful, and Devon planted his tribal necklace as a fake one.

At the Immunity Challenge, despite Tala's cohesiveness, they were unable to defeat Bulan once again, sending themselves back to Tribal Council. Before the vote, Kevin was uneasy about Ebony, telling his wife Camille that Ebony's superb social skills made her a bigger threat than ever. In the end, Ebony was voted out. With one pair down this early in the game, nobody's safe once again. 18 remain, who will be voted out tonight?


Reward/Immunity Challenge: Survivor Sumo
Using padded duffel bags, a pair of players from both tribes must knock the opposing pair off the ring. First tribe to four wins immunity.
Reward: Tribal immunity and rain parkas, mosquito nets, pillows and blankets for the entire tribe.
Winner: Tala
Temptation Reward: They will have an additional large tarp and a Sears tool kit to fortify their shelter
Consequence: The chosen pair will not have a rain parka, and may not borrow from tribemates.


Night 6

Tala returns to camp after an emotional Tribal Council, where they voted out sweetheart Ebony because she was a social threat. Kevin cheers the dejected tribe by telling them Bulan has yet to win a reward, so they will lose in an Immunity Challenge very soon. Camille makes a bold statement about the tribe getting divided into alliances, saying that the whole tribe must be the alliance. The tribe agrees, stating that alliances within the tribe should be put at the back burner since they are yet to win an Immunity Challenge.

Every time I see Bulan in every challenge, they become increasingly hungry, groggy and dysfunctional. And since they are yet to win a reward, they're gonna lose sooner or later. Good thing for Tala, we are one cohesive team. Bulan's aggressiveness will sure bite them in the ass, and Tala will be waiting for their downfall.

–Kevin, on Bulan's lack of Reward Challenge wins

Day 7

At Bulan, the alliance of six, consisting of Martin, Leo, Melissa, Paula, Andy and Devon discusses strategy, where the six agreed to vote Burgundy out should they lose the Immunity Challenge. After their conversation, Melissa and Paula go deep into the woods trying to find the Hidden Immunity Idol (not knowing Andy and Devon already found it), while Martin goes for a bathroom break. Leo, Andy and Devon remain, with Leo stressing that Martin is a threat and he must go, but Andy rebutts they need Martin in challenges. Leo states that the apart from Martin, the males of Bulan are collectively strong, so they can afford losing Martin.

Leo: "Andy, are you now on board getting rid of Martin?"
Andy: "May I ask why are you so mad at Martin? He didn't even say three words with you!"
Leo: "We've been rivals on everything, in school, work, games, even girls."
Devon: "Seems like a legitimate rivalry to me. But hey, can't you see? We are two people up against Tala, and we can't afford to lose a member, let alone a strong one."
Leo: "We can do away with Martin, we have four strong guys here."
Andy: "Look, Tala's boys maybe weaker than us, but our girls are worthless! Especially Burgundy! You have to put aside your disdain for him if you want to win challenges."
Leo: "Fine."

Andy and Devon seem to be oblivious of what Martin can do. I want to get rid of him before he makes the merge because he will have every reason not to vote for me.


Leo is insatiably power hungry. He wanted Martin out so badly, he's clouded by his jealousy of him. But for now, I guess we have to play his game.


Meanwhile, unsure if Andy and Devon indeed found the idol, Melissa and Paula try to find the idol themselves (not knowing Andy and Devon already possessed it),. Minutes into the search, Melissa finds Devon's fake idol in its hiding place. Ecstatic, she tells her friend Paula she found it, and both agree they will not tell anybody until the opportune time. Unknown to them, Leo catches them.

Finding the idol excites me, like I hope this takes us far in the game.

–Melissa, in finding the [fake] idol

At Tala, the mood is more jovial than Bulan. The Deckers twins pose as stand-up comedians, leaving the tribe in stitches. Tyler does impressions of Talia and Camille, while Josh makes some funny spiels, and few magic tricks using his "magician set," which is his luxury item.

It's nice to have fun once in a while. This game makes you lonely, and it's good to have the twins here. They're fit, strong and they're funny. Our mood was never been this up. We're confident we'll whoop Bulan's butts tomorrow.


Day 8

After receiving Tree Mail, the tribes convene for their next challenge, and to Bulan's shock, to see Ebony voted out, thus leaving the competition with only nine full pairs of castaways. The tribes would compete for both reward and immunity. The tribes would square off in a classic Survivor challenge, albeit modified for two on two matches. Since Bulan have two extra female members, they choose Melissa and Paula to sit out in the challenge.

Bulan versus Tala
Martin/Leo Josh/Tyler
Burgundy/Declan Talia/Ricky
Andy/Devon Kevin/Toby
Salina/Jacki Camille/Kasia

The challenge starts with rivals Martin and Leo going up against twins Josh and Tyler. On Jeff's signal, the twins get the upper hand by cornering Leo and throwing him to the mud pit, then mercilessly double-team at Martin, earning Tala's first point. On the sidelines, Andy and Devon facepalm at Leo, agreeing that Leo does not care for his partner, even with immunity on the line.

It was so apparent Leo wanted Martin to be thrown before him. Like, if he wanted, he could have helped the twins in pushing Martin off the ring.


The second round features dating couple Burgundy and Declan versus friends Talia and Ricky. Declan fights hard, though his and Burgundy's efforts fail because of Ricky's sheer size compared to them. Talia pushes Declan out of the ring, leaving Burgundy alone. Knowing she cannot beat the massive Ricky, Burgundy screamingly runs toward the end of the ring and jumps off. This gesture upset Bulan further.

Burgundy pisses me off by the second. She did not even made an effort, like, even she knows she's gonna get screwed, she did not even made a weak try. She disgust me.


To make up for back-to-back losses, best buddies Andy and Devon face Kevin and Toby. Kevin shoves Andy to the ring floor, while Devon tosses Toby out of the ring, leaving Kevin to fend for himself. The best friends double-team at Kevin, but he manages to hold his own and takes Devon out of the ring. Andy and Kevin duke it out in a slugfest, with Kevin successfully taking Andy out, giving Tala's third consecutive point.

The fourth match is an all-girl bout, with lesbian couple Salina and Jacki representing Bulan and Camille and Kasia for Tala. Salina proves she is a force to be reckoned with, attacking Kasia repeatedly to the face, leaving her face numb. Meanwhile, Jacki defeats Camille by throwing off her duffel bag way out of the ring, eliminating her by default. The lesbians pounce on Kasia, knocking her out of the ring, earning Bulan's first point.

The fifth round returns to the Leo/Martin vs. Josh/Tyler match-up. Leo pins Tyler to the ground, while Martin and Josh keep on smashing each other. Tyler escapes from Leo and shoves Martin (similar to Candice Woodcock and Parvati Shallow's bout in That Girl Is Like A Virus). In a one-on-one showdown between Leo and Josh, Josh uses his duffel bag to toss Leo's away from him. Leo helplessly tries to reclaim his duffel bag, Josh continuously attacks him, knocking him off the ring before he could reach his bag. With Tala's four points completed, Tala wins their first Immunity Challenge.

Burgundy's a hot mess today. Like, I have never seen somebody who ran from a challenge like that. She needs to go.


With Tala's win, they are entitled to participate in the Temptation Reward. Jeff asks the tribe who will they send to partake in the Temptation Reward. The twins elect themselves after much deliberation. Tyler insists to Jeff the whole tribe should know what would they be getting, which Jeff allows. Jeff presents the tribe's original reward, raincoats, pillows and blankets. He then states that the Temptation Reward would be a large tarp and a Sears toolbox, but the consequence would be the partakers will not have raincoats and they are not allowed to borrow. The twins deliberate, stating that though accepting the temptation will be a great gesture of goodwill to the tribe, not having raincoats puts them at a disadvantage. Jeff states that the season is filmed in the middle of the Philippines' rainy season, the rain parkas allow the other tribemates to strategize outside their shelter, while they will be left in the shelter, shivering. After much consideration, the twins take the reward sacrificing their raincoat in the process.

The twins' decision to give up their parkas was noble. If strategy is their concern, they basically dug themselves a grave. But they still considered our well-being. I want to make it up to them in the future.

–Camille, on Josh and Tyler's decision to accept the Temptation Reward.

We have survived eight days of rain, so not having raincoats isn't our problem. Wh cares about damn raincoats. Me and my twin can still do this. We're not cavemen!


Bulan returns to camp, where Leo proposes to Andy and Devon they would have to vote Melissa out first, stating that Melissa is a threat for Jury votes because of her Aspergers' Syndrome.

Leo: "Okay, I agree for once, not because Martin's strong, but I saw something two days ago. I think Melissa and Paula found the idol."
Andy: "The idol? Where?"
Leo: "I saw the girls looking on top of a tree where you guys used to pee. Melissa looked like she picked some necklace of sorts and tucked it in her pocket."
Devon: "Okay, since Melissa had the idol, and they think we are still an alliance, we should take one of them out, maybe Paula. She's not expecting it if she goes tonight. Face it, we will not win against Melissa."
Leo: "I'm on-board with it."
Andy: "I know you don't like Martin, but you have to save it. Besides, Martin will be totally left out in the open."
Leo: "Fine. It's Paula then. But it would be painful. They are aligned with us."

Leo don't know what just hit him. First, we have the idol, which we won't tell him, second, Melissa had my necklace, which was a FAKE idol. For now, we don't need to worry about Leo, and we're playing his anti-Martin crusade under the premise that we would give Martin a slow and painful death. But we'll have to cut Leo before it happens. Because we can't trust him in the long run.


For now, we're gonna vote Paula out tonight. It should have been Melissa. If she revealed she had Aspergers' before we made an alliance with her, we would never asked her to join us in the first place. But come to think of it, we would make Leo happy in the sense that since Mel and Paula are part of our "alliance," blindsiding either one of them will look like Martin got blindsided too. So in a way, we are acting as if we are on-board Leo's long-term plan of voting Martin eventually. But Martin going before Leo is an impossibility, because after Leo's antics, Martin proves he was more trustworthy than his partner.


Day 9

At Bulan, Martin approaches his perceived alliance (Leo, Andy, Devon, Melissa and Paula) and asks confirmation about voting Burgundy out. All of them confirm. Later, Devon and Leo secretly approach Declan, Burgundy, Salina and Jacki, asking them to vote for Paula tonight to save Burgundy, telling them that Melissa had "the idol."

If this saves my girl from getting voted out, I'd go for it.


At Tribal Council, Burgundy is castigated for running from the challenge. Declan protects her girlfriend once again saying that his girlfriend is the most athletic person he has ever met. This leads a verbal showdown between Burgundy, Declan and Salina and Jacki. When Jeff brings up Melissa's Aspergers', Melissa states that there has been no situation yet where her condition has hindered her tribe from something, concluding she is safe.

In the end, Andy and Devon's plan to play Leo's game worked—Melissa used the fake idol, only to find out it was not the real idol as Jeff tossed it to the fire pit, though she did not have any votes. Her partner however, was completely blindsided by whom she thought was her alliance after receiving 7 votes against Burgundy's 3. Also shocked, Martin asked Leo what happened to their plan, but Leo merely shrugs.

Tribal Council

Tribal Council 3:
Paula (7 votes)
Andy, Burgundy, Declan, Devon, Jacki, Leo, & Salina
Burgundy (3 votes)
Martin, Melissa, & Paula
Paula Sina

Voting Confessionals

Sorry, we need pawns around like Leo and Melissa, and I don't think we can use you. Great person though.


Apologies Paula. Don't worry, we'll take care of Melissa, I promise.


Your aura is bright as your strength is dim. Good luck.


If we can just make you sit out in challenges forever, you could have stayed.


It should have been Martin.


Burgundy, great person but we need strength.


If someone has a great plan for me and my girl, I'd go for it.


Melissa needs to stand on her own, without you.


You're like air in a bag of potato chips


I love our bonding moments I will certainly miss you, but I have to stick with the team.


Final Words

Wow, I didn't see that coming. I guess Melissa's condition was the missing variable. Like, they knew they won't win against Melissa. I hope my girl gets it together and play this game without me. Peace.

–Paula Sina

Next Time on Survivor

  • With Martin and Melissa left on the outs, will they make an upset?
  • Kasia and Toby turn on each other, will they kiss and make up, or kiss each other goodbye?

Author's Notes

Survivor: Couples Showdown episodes

"You and Me Against the World" · "Temptation Island" · "We're Not Cavemen!" · "Rolling with the Punches" · "Burn the Witch!" · "You Can't Undo Brothers" · "Reverse One World" · "My New Partner" · "Time to Raise Hell" · "Couple's Retreat" · "Eighty Six" · "Chew the Fat" · "Fool's Gold" · "Go for Broke (Part 1)" · "Go for Broke (Part 2)"