User blog comment:MightyUke416/Bell: Let's Talk Day/@comment-31532800-20200129071352

Okay, this may get sappy. Bear with me, also this may get dark.

I've been through quite a bit. It's a lot to get into, but let's just say the bad things other countries hear about the American education system are pretty much true. I was nearly held back twice, and forced to give up two summers of my childhood taking remedial classes because one of my teachers didn't like me. She was a math teacher and her rule was that if it wasn't done her way, it wasn't right. So I ended up failing twice because her way was overly complicated and I found easier ways to get the right answer. That wasn't her way though, so she failed me. The shitty part is that when things got really bad I was called into the Principals office, where a bunch of administrators for the school tried to reason with me. When I asked why it mattered so much for me to do my own thing I was told, "We don't want to promote free will, because if we do students won't do as well on the standardized tests and we won't get funding for the school." A teacher literally told me this to my face.

Anyway, I was always somewhat of a introvert, but I was never really unpopular, at least until I had to take those remedial lessons. See the only other kids my age taking those classes were the actually bad kids who were suspended for fighting and other stuff like that, so when I failed I was slowly phased out of most friend groups who thought that was the reason. Because I argued so much with teachers about my grades it didn't help and just made me out to be more of a bad kid. By the time the second failing year came around, it was pretty much done. only one of my old friends was still talking to me, and he's still one of my best friends to this day.

After being isolated though, I really did fall into the wrong crowd. I'll keep this part short since it's not something I like to talk about a lot. I never got into drugs or anything, but I did become dependent in several abusive relationships, one of whom would eventually try to kill me. After that, I would eventually try to take my own life. Obviously it didn't take, but this was the point where I finally got help. My parents had been doing everything they could for me up to that point, I just never told them how bad it actually was until it was almost too late.

I hated therapy. I hated the anti-depressants more. It's not the same for everyone, but something about them never meshed with my body chemistry and I always felt numb while on them, so I would try to avoid taking them unless absolutely necessary. Here's where things get sappy and things turned around though. See, I was a well off kid, we did alright, middle-class blue collar type of american family. Well one of my new friends who was actually good for me noticed my issues and did something weirdly unexpected. He bought me a year's subscription to Xbox Live. We played games together frequently, Halo, Gears and Red Dead mostly and eventually I met a large group of people who actually made me feel good to be around. It was weird, we didn't know each other, but when we gamed, we'd just casually talk, not even about the games, just shit that was bugging us, and even weirder we'd help each other. Even when we couldn't help though, just hearing other people's stories, having someone who listened to me and having and receiving empathy helped it feel like a weight was lifted off my shoulders. This would also eventually lead me to secret hunting, completing games and let's plays, all of which made me feel good.

I'll cut it short here because I'd basically be describing 14 years of my life if I didn't, but I'll just say this if anyone needs to hear it. There is no difference between Internet Friends and "Real Friends." Sure I'm still socially awkward and have a hard time fitting in when I'm first introduced to people, but now I can actually reach out and start conversations. I'm more confident in myself, and I do attribute that to making friends that actually encouraged me, listened when I needed them, criticized me when I needed it and most importantly let me help them in the same ways.

I don't know if this will help anyone here to read all this, just like I don't know if my writing is always amazing or my videos make people laugh, but hey if they do, then that makes it all worth it to me. I'm only one guy, but I like helping people, and I'll help everyone I can.